There is not a single woman on the face of the earth, with a healthy appetite for companionship, that doesn't want to explore ways in which to invite men into their life for purposes of developing a loving relationship. Relationships are a curious thing in that we often find ourselves becoming someone other than ourselves in trying to manage the relationship. This internal game of musical hats so to speak, has most women suffering from an identity crisis without them even knowing it. They often react and perform inappropriately simply because they picked up the wrong hat at the wrong time. This having to wear different hats has many consumed in their own mind chatter and ridiculous reasoning that is largely influenced by all of the other hat wearing relationship authorities out there. So what's a girl to do to get clear about this? How is she supposed to know how to act in order to achieve her desired outcome. Well, I have a few suggestions:
First get very clear (even in the smallest of circumstances) about how you would like the moment to unfold. For example, you and your companion are out to lunch and you feel the need to discuss an upcoming event that you would like for him to attend with you. Let's say he has a history of resisting your suggestions in that he enjoys initiating your entertainment itinerary. Given his somewhat predictable tendency you need to acknowledge that disappointment is probable if you attempt this. This acknowledgement will lessen the sigh that is likely to occur. However, don't stop trying. Just try something different. Rather than stating you would like to go to this event and requesting he accompany you, ASK QUESTIONS only? No statements. NO responses with the word "I" in it. For example, here is what I call the Respectful Scenario:
You: Do you like watching dance?
Him: Yeah. I guess. Depends on the kind of dance.
You: What about ballet?
Him: It's a little fem but I guess its okay.
You: What about belly dancing?
Him: Yeah I guess its kind of cool.
You: Would you like to see me belly dance?
You: What about that kind of dancing where the Guys do all this athletic improvisational movement with garbage can lids and rhythm?
Him: Yeah, that sounds pretty neat.
You: If you had tickets, would you go?
Him: I guess.
You: Surprise! Here's two tickets. WE have a date.
You: Honey, I got 2 tickets to this dance thing called STOMP and its for Friday night. It'll be a date.
Him: I'm not going to a dance thing, that's lame. I already made plans for us to go to the movies.
You: We always do what you want. What about what I want?
Him: Lets don't start that. Remember the chick flick I took you to?
You: That was four months ago. We've been doing the you show ever since.
AND SO IT GOES...
This conversation continues to de-evolve into the depths of sleeping in separate bedrooms and no one goes anywhere come Friday night.
Review as indicated in the Respectful Scenario:
1. Ask Questions?
2. Omit the word "I"
3. Inject flirtatious humor
4. Offer the gift of his approval
Now some may argue that this feels manipulative but for some men that are a little more machismo, this works well and they actually appreciate the respectful approach. Each one of us is unique and possesses a positive or negative polarity. Often this fluctuates periodically throughout the day but in some men the negative polarity is more pronounced. These men often attract women with a higher degree of positivity. It's the law of nature and attraction. Given this, it's really quite easy and even natural for a positive women to enlist this approach with a negative man...and succeed.
In fact, Positive Women OWN MORE HATS!